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January 2008

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Oh sweet nuthin'

For the first time in ages I feel like actually writing in my paper diary tonight. I havent for a while, not any particular explanation, I just havent been able to. It's a bit of a block I guess. I now feel that I have things to actually say now, things I need to debate and scrutinise away from the eyes of everything else. It's strange. I miss writing in my diary, it was such a key thing for such a long time. I think its cos I havent had much of a chance to be really alone, and uninterrupted.

I'm feeling lonely in a way that can't be filled through friends or doing things, its that intimate kind that I know I wont be able to grasp just yet because It's not that easy. I can watch a lot of my friends fret about the guy they are sleeping with, flirt the night away with whomever they lay eyes on, and I know that I can't do that. But at the same time I feel I'm in some secret society that they'll never know how it feels to be part of. If it takes a long time to whittle out how it works then it takes a long time. If it comes, it comes.

You don't need to change a thing.

Comments

'I can watch a lot of my friends fret about the guy they are sleeping with, flirt the night away with whomever they lay eyes on'

hope that isn't me :(