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January 2008

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One night only! One of a kind!

I know now that I have to change jobs. I know this since I started utterly hating working there, everytime I get there this deep paranoia bubbles up inside of me like a boiling pot and scorches me where everybody can see. It's not the customers, in fact, its very rarely the customers, it's the people I'm working with. I'm told I'm over-reacting 'like I always do', I'm told not to take it so seriously, I'm told to buck up my ideas, I'm told that I am not enough, that I am useless and needed, but not needed. I give up. There was a time where I really loved that job to death, but it's all been destroyed. There are a few elements that have contributed but they are too stupid to say in broad daylight because it means I have to actually look at them. Maybe I should start looking for a new job, where I can start again.

The big sadness is coming. I know because I want to change my hair and appearance again, because, obviously, that is the most sensible thing to do because it just seems like one of my quirks rather than a coping mechanism.

I started writing again. It hit me on the way home so hard that I had to stop where I was standing and start writing it down. This is when I know the Big Sadness is coming. I wonder what will happen this time.

Country-side chic.

'You're being normal today'
'Well, not particularly'
'Well You're being rather sedated.'
'Yes, Sedated'

Oh, and I am utterly falling back in love with a man. Haruki Murakami's 'Dance Dance Dance'. I'd give half my heart away to talk to him about his work. 'Norwegian Wood'. Oh My. First Love.